11:10 PM - 
Larabar
2 comments
Larabar
2 comments
My Love-Hate Relationship with LÄRABAR
These days it’s a matter of self-sufficiency to travel with some food items in case of an emergency. For years I carried crackers. But crackers, while tasty, are not practical for long distance travel, unless of course you are the type who enjoys snorting pulverized peanut butter and cheese flavored dust out of a cellophane sleeve.
After I stopped carrying crackers I began to bring crush proof snacks like cans of Pringles and mini M&Ms in little plastic tubes. But the problem with these items was I could barely get past the pre-boarding announcement without devouring them. If the need for emergency food arrived my supply was depleted.
Enter the LÄRABAR. These no dairy, no soy, no gluten, non-GMO, kosher, vegan bars are the perfect travel stash. They don’t melt and they can maintain their blocky shape for years. If you like dried fruit and nuts mashed together in a tiny dense brick, the LÄRABAR is for you. I’ve tried other fruit and nut bars but LÄRABAR is the only one with the half-life of plutonium. They seem to last forever.
But the most important thing for me is I don’t like them. I HATE them. I can barely choke one down without gagging. Their snappy bright labels in fuchsia, neon green, and orange belie the dark brooding bars within. And that twee umlaut over the ä is not fooling anyone, especially me, into believing they are a jaunty exotic treat. Quite the contrary, LÄRABAR’s are one of the most joyless things I’ve ever eaten. If you round off the corners, rub a little dust on them and add some tufts of fur, they would be indistinguishable from trail scat left by bobcats or coyotes.
I never feel tempted to eat one while I sit on the tarmac waiting for some “paperwork” so the plane can leave the gate. At the end of a trip they sit at the bottom of my pack slightly misshapen in their wrappers, but no worse for wear. A few have been at the bottom of my suitcase for more than a year now. They do have expiration dates, but I tasted one that was over a year old and I could not tell if it had lost any freshness or flavor.
Recently I was forced to employ the LÄRABAR as emergency food when I was stranded at an airport very late at night. There was nothing open but a bar that had stopped serving food. It was then that I discovered the cherry pie LÄRABAR actually pairs well with a glass of Malbec. I also tried the apple pie flavor with a Grüner Veltliner, and the tart acidity of the wine was just the ticket to cut through the cloying sweetness. Who knew all it would take to turn the LÄRABAR into a palatable snack was a little wine? Well to be honest, it takes a LOT of wine to make them edible.
So what emergency snacks or travel treats do you carry?
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Oh and one more thing--I guess it goes without saying but LÄRABAR has in no way compensated me for writing this. As if! But best to declare everything anyway. I think negative review publicity is on the rise. So think twice the next time you read a very lengthy “rant”-- it could be advertising in disguise. Rest assured that this is not that.